I’m married to a man that is 15 years older than me and to some that isn’t much of an age difference, while to others it is just downright gross. I’ve dated a few guys my age but even as a teenager I found more companionship with those older than myself. I’ve been asked if I was looking for a father figure and I’ve been asked why I would marry a man so much older. Here’s why I would almost always choose an older man over a younger man.
Pros of Marrying an Older Man
He’s settled – Not all, but most, older men are already settled in life. They know what they want in their future and they know where they are going. They have already mapped out where they want to be in life and how they want be in this world. He’s got his own routine that he’s been living by for 20 years. It’s comforting to know that routine mean stability.
He’s not likely to play mind games – Young men tend to want to be players. They want to load up their cell phones with girl’s phone numbers and hook up at bars and parties. They tell you they are out with the guys when really they are getting lap dances in the strip club. Older men have lived life enough to know that it’s best to just say, “I’m going to a strip club tonight” or “I don’t want to be monogamous. I’d like to play the field.”
He’s life educated – An older man has already experienced many hardships and joys in life. He’s been around the block and up the way so he’s less likely to be taken for a ride. He knows the best places to walk along the beach because he’s been there. He knows which cell phone company offers the best deal because he’s been paying for one since they came out. He has stories to tell and wisdom to share. Life experience is a great thing to share with a partner and an older man has plenty of it.
He’s experienced – Young men have had way less sex than older men. There’s no way around this. The older you are the more opportunities you’ve had for sex. Older men have already taken the journey over, around and on a woman’s body so they’ve learned what women like and don’t mind learning something new. Younger men tend to bumble about a bit and are less secure with what they do know about sex, which means they get all butt hurt when they don’t know something about sex. Young men act like they’re great lovers, older men ARE great lovers.
He’s less judgmental – A younger man might tell his partner she’s getting fat because he doesn’t have the life experience to know that looks fade and a relationship is built on many other things besides looks and sex. An older man realizes the body changes; hell his own body has changed, and he will still find you sexy when he has to reach an inch lower to find your nipples.
He knows how to do laundry and knows it doesn’t magically do itself – Older men aren’t bothered by chores and the menial daily grind as much as younger men are. Older men have had to take care of themselves longer than younger men so when it comes to things like laundry and dishes the older man gets right in there and helps you get it done. A younger man thinks that’s what mothers and wives were invented for.
He loves my intelligence – Older men love it when a woman can compete in a battle of wits. They enjoy good conversation that is deeper than whose boyfriend was at the mall with that other girl.
He has (in most cases) learned some manners – Older men have already gone through that phase where they are rude assholes. They’ve learned and been reminded of the manners their mother’s have taught them. Older generations relied more on manners so an older man in today’s world uses them.
Cons of Marrying an Older Man
He forgets what century we live in – I have to constantly remind my older husband that we are not living in the 1950’s anymore. Children can not safely roam the city, teenagers don’t give a rat’s ass about walking across our yard, gas is more than .25 cents a gallon and bread is more than .15 cents a loaf. In his mind these things should have never changed so he balks at it.
His music and movies are old – I hate old movies and old music. Maybe some other women like them but I don’t. When we drive in the car I have to listen to my MP3 player because my husband will listen to music where the men sound like they’ve been poked in the butt with a needle. It’s boring. My husband also likes old movies with John Wayne in them or some other old actor which I know nothing about. I fail to understand black and white movies when we have such vivid color in today’s movies.
He’s the creepy old guy at clubs – When you marry and older guy you are making a conscious choice to give up clubbing. No older man wants to be that creepy old guy on the dance floor that all the young women and men are laughing at. It isn’t fair to ask your older man to be that creepy old guy. The music isn’t from his generation and neither are the dance moves.
He forgets you aren’t one of the kids – My husband does this frequently. He’ll be lecturing the kids about all the wet towels on their bedroom floors and include me in the lecture like I’m one of the kids. Sometimes when we have a discussion about finances or family he’ll begin to take on that “I’m the father and you’re the child tone” that makes me want to kill him. No matter how old I get my husband will always forget I’m not some dumb, young, kid. (shakes head in frustration)
He forgets I’m intelligent – Even though I said earlier that an older man loves my intelligence I didn’t say he would remember that I am intelligent! An older man will always remind you that BECAUSE he’s older, he has the answer to whatever dilemma or question you have. They remember the first televisions and party lines and because I remember things like MTV and Guns –n- Roses I don’t really know anything. I’ll be 60 and he’ll still think I don’t know anything and that he must know it FOR me.
It’s funny how life works out. I’m often asked if the age difference between my husband and I ever bother me and i can truthfully say it doesn’t…most of the time. Then there are the moments he walks in the room and turns down the volume to an epic song like Pour Some Sugar on me by Def Leppard.
Hi! Im 27 and my husband is 30 years older than me.
My husband is an attractive young looking man, I thought he was matured but he turned out to be worst than a 16 year old. He isolated me from all my friends, so unsocial, he doesnt want me to work or go somewhere without him and is so insecure.
In our arguments i would give up because of his attitute, he has anxietyand he is bipolar, he hid it from me.
He doesn’t drink his meds saying I’m mentally ill not him.
He treats me like a child and disrespects my opinions.
I have a Masters degree but when it comes to decisions he has the final say.
He tells me he has more experience.
I love my husband but i feel so abused mentally and emotionally, his jealousy and insecurities always kicks in everytime we are in a public place.
We have only been together for five years but i feel like im wasting my life to a man that doesn’t treat me equal.
I feel my education is wasted. And yes! We dated for a year and he was far from being cynical. He changed.
I feel like a failure because i fought for our relationship, my parents hate me for marrying him.
Im now just thinking of getting a divorce and start again, focus on myself and just treat the wasted 5years like it never existed.
Much older husbands (30 years or so) raise eyebrows wherever they go. It’s simply wrong-headed. People know that the young wives are arm candy. It’s always a big issue. Parents go to her wedding? Pass the cake “son?”
I married a man 15 years older than me and I regret it. I feel that my youth was robbed or rather I robbed myself of my youth. We don’t share anything in common. I agree with the pros you listed, but some of the cons are too much. No matter how old I get, I get sad that at 22, I threw away my youth or the hope of finding someone my age to marry. I was too much in a rush and someone who looked young at age 37, acted anything but young. Okay, he’s in shape and active. He’s tall, handsome, educated and such, but I lost that passion that youth brings with someone your own age. That passion of being young and carefree aren’t there and never were. It’s all too serious with an older man. However, I feel I had no choice. The younger men I was interested in weren’t stable. All the good younger men were being taken and getting married. By age 25, I felt that no one my age would marry me. Too intimidated by my engineering education. The young men who would marry me were unattractive. Call me shallow, but they were. My older husband was an attractive man and still is. I guess I wish some of the young attractive educated men wanted me more than just for my looks. That’s all they saw and cared about. I should be thankful, but I still get jealous when I see couples the same age, married forever and still hot in love. I can’t say I was ever in love with my husband, but I love him. I think I was in lust with younger good looking men and never learned or aren’t capable of being in love. I’m sad that I threw my youth away. One young man I did love came back after his stint in the military to probably marry me and he was six months too late. I was married and pregnant by then. I will always wonder what the one guy my age, who I was hot for and who loved me, would have done when he looked me up after I dumped him years before. I only dumped him to please my father. Six month too late and all the could have beens, have been hard for me and for the guy who came back one day for me after having served years in the military. I realize too that is a dream and I have rose colored glasses on concerning that guy. The guy never had kids and I don’t think he ever wanted them. I have kids and I can’t imagine not having the ones I have, so I guess my marriage was meant to be. I have to get over my whole infatuation with young love, because that part of my life is over and reality is that my husband was probably the best man I could have met in life. I just wish I was in lust with him and in love. I do love him, but not the way I should. Perhaps I live in a fairytale land where I don’t have realistic expectations of life. I enjoyed your blog and you made me think.
I married a man that is older than myself and have never regretted it or even noticed our age difference! He is an amazing man, thoughtful, loving, a great father and has always treated me with the utmost respect. The only time we are reminded of the age difference is when his friends visit with their grandkids that are same age as our children! Funny that both he and I think it is weird people in their mid 50’s are grandparents! He thinks and acts young and is young at heart. I introduced him to classic movies and Brit Indie bands…he introduced me to American Classic Rock and the Blues. It is a wonderful partnership and I am very lucky to have him!
Hello suburban wife,
I know that I will never marry a much older man. I just know that I do not want to be anything less than equal with my spouse. Being treated like a child is the last thing that I want.
I also think it is a sexist and unfair bias belief that women age or mature faster then men. At a point age becomes a matter of choice. And I resent any stereotype which allows men to remain children well into their late 20’s. Not only does this myth of man-childishness degrade men, but it also makes women pre-maturely old. Which is unfair. Also I think that we should encourage younger men to embrace their age. At 21 they are a young adult. The law says so. So why can’t they live that way? They can vote. They can join the military. They can be tried as adults. There is no excuse for this.
Men are not necessarily immature. Those that choose to be at the age of 25 have lost my respect.
Today a much older man approached me. Creep. I was just eating my lunch minding my own business. But this 60 year old — dirty old man came onto me. I was disgusted, and horrified.
I walked away.
It was my 70th birthday and I decided to record this song entitled Old Dogs and share this with my Blues & Jazz friends . So far the response is to cool . its scheduled for Growing Bolder PBS /TV /Radio
Old Dogs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…
Up coming PBS TV Special preview link
http://growingbolder.com/media…
All the best with your creative adventures at Suburban Wife Life
Mickey
Mickey Carroll
Grammy Nominee
Gold Record Recipient
http://www.MickeyCarroll.com/