I don’t know about anybody else but I am finding this stage of parenting to be just a wee bit tedious. You see I have a grown daughter, 21 years old, who is in the thick of this particular phase. At times it makes me want to yank out all the hair on my head, jump up and down and shriek in her face if only it would get her attention.
Part of me wants to accept this phase for what it is; to chuckle at her hangovers and wish her a good time as she’s on her way out the door. I mean I’m not that old! I do remember those days. Days full of drinking, partying, staying out late, dancing and puking in the ladies room. Those days were fun and every young person should enjoy those days while they can because they sure don’t last long.
The other part of me completely freaks out that she’s getting sloshy somewhere and the dangers that that in itself presents. The images that go through my mind are nerve wracking to say the least. While she’s out I worry and I fret until I hear her come creeping through the door at 5 a.m. Then I get angry at her childish ways; coming in at such an hour so she can sleep all morning! This is no hotel!
What’s a parent to do? I sure as hell don’t know. I’ve come to learn that the most difficult thing to do as a parent is to shift how I parent. The time for me to yell, lecture and ground is gone. These days I’m supposed to be supportive, encouraging and letting go as well remain as a source of council but only when asked.
How is it possible to rear a child for 18 plus years and then one day switch it off? If I ever find the answer I’ll let you know, in the meantime someone needs to send me some antacids.
I think you stated she was 21? Well, there is a lot you can do first tell her that she is AN ADULT and state exactly what you said up there your home is not a hotel. From what I gather she lives with you therefore rules should apply. I do not know the whole story as far as, does she have a job? Does she pay rent? Does she give her part on the bills? If she lived out on her own those would have to be paid by her right? Or she would be out on the street? After all she is not in high school anymore, she is not a teenager anymore. There has to be a time that your daughter has to take on being an adult and what that means. And living at home sometimes can delay your kids in doing that, because well that is home, that is where the parents are, and it is her safety net. And as long as she has that safety net to fall into at 5am I am afraid you will be putting up with this for a long time.