I have the easiest way to get your kids off your couch and out the door. This works on teens and older. You could use it on younger ones but you’d have to be less explicit and arrange for their care first. With older kids you can say whatever it takes to get the job done.
One afternoon I found out that our youngest adult child was getting ready to go out with her older sister for the day and didn’t plan on returning until the next day so my husband and I decided we wanted to spend it relaxing and hanging out, watching movies, snacking, catching a buzz…naked. We do that, we like to run around the house naked when its just us.
We went about our day while we waited for her to leave and it seemed like it was taking forever. Finally my other daughter arrived to pick her up and we thought they’d take off pretty quick but as it turns out us old people, the parents, must be fun to be around because we couldn’t get rid of either of the girls. They turned on the tv, got a snack, played with their hair in the mirror for an hour and just kept lagging behind. Finally tired of waiting for them to get the hell out of my house I turned to my beautiful daughters and we had a conversation that went something like this:
Me: Are you 2 still here? What’s taking so long?
Them: Nuthing. Just hanging out.
Me: Get out.
Them: Mom!! (lots of sighs and eyeball rolling began)
Me: I’m serious. Get out. I love you but I have plans so I’m kicking you out.
Them: Alright, alright. Geez mom. (Now they started shoving crap in drawers. A mess I will have to clean later)
Me: Dad and I have plans. We wanna run around naked.
Them: ewwww. Mom!! (they are now urgently throwing shit in drawers and grabbing purses and car keys) That’s really gross mom. We don’t wanna know what you 2 are doing when we aren’t here.
Me: We’re married. We’re allowed to be nekkid. Now get before I start stripping and you know I will.
Them: (Heinous laughter and cackling is coming from them as they zip down the hallway) We know you will! (they ran out the door in a puff of perfume) We don’t wanna see your butt. We’re leaving!
I have to tell you this trick really does work. I’ve used it many many times. If they act like they don’t believe you then just start stripping and I guarantee you they will make plans to get off your couch and out the door super quick!
It works every time.