I don’t know about anybody else but I am finding this stage of parenting to be just a wee bit tedious.  You see I have a grown daughter, 21 years old, who is in the thick of this particular phase.  At times it makes me want to yank out all the hair on my head, jump up and down and shriek in her face if only it would get her attention.

Part of me wants to accept this phase for what it is; to chuckle at her hangovers and wish her a good time as she’s on her way out the door.  I mean I’m not that old!  I do remember those days.  Days full of drinking, partying, staying out late, dancing and puking in the ladies room.  Those days were fun and every young person should enjoy those days while they can because they sure don’t last long.

The other part of me completely freaks out that she’s getting sloshy somewhere and the dangers that that in itself presents.  The images that go through my mind are nerve wracking to say the least.  While she’s out I worry and I fret until I hear her come creeping through the door at 5 a.m.  Then I get angry at her childish ways; coming in at such an hour so she can sleep all morning!  This is no hotel!

What’s a parent to do?  I sure as hell don’t know.  I’ve come to learn that the most difficult thing to do as a parent is to shift how I parent.  The time for me to yell, lecture and ground is gone.  These days I’m supposed to be supportive, encouraging and letting go as well remain as a source of council but only when asked.

How is it possible to rear a child for 18 plus years and then one day switch it off?  If I ever find the answer I’ll let you know, in the meantime someone needs to send me some antacids.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Where on earth did my daughter go?

If I had to put her face on a milk carton this is the one I would choose. I love how her sweet innocence shows through in the photo.

Once upon a time my almost 15 year old daughter was the most responsible, cleanest and most organized child in the house. The nominations for filthy, stinking, rotten teenager are neck in neck.

The other day I told her to clean up her room. Mind you, I NEVER had to ask her before. She always kept everything clean, tidy and organized; so much so that the rest of us questioned whether or not she really was one of us.

Yesterday I was happy to see that she had cleaned her room. Not surprised but happy.

My elation didn’t last long. This morning, only one day after cleaning it, her room looked liked this. Notice the dog wants nothing to do with this room?

Can you find the floor? I sure as hell can’t!

This is supposed to be a dresser damnit!

Notice how the cat blends in with the filth in this next photo?  I would have missed her if she hadn’t meowed at me.

I told her that her room is a fire hazard.  I warned her that if a fire broke out in the middle of the night she’d break her neck trying to get out.  She shrugged and looked at me with glazed over eyes in the way that only a teenager can do and said, “It’s fine mom, I’d just go out the window.”  Doh!  Why didn’t I think of that?   I wonder if that philosophy is acceptable for not doing my chores?

Innocence is being lost at a rapid rate!  Look at little miss snotty now.

Popularity: 7% [?]

I don’t know about your teen but my teen has had a phone permanently implanted into her hand.  She doens’t “talk” on the phone, she texts.  There’s a rule in my house that if you delete your messages and I find out about it the phone gets shut off forever.  All cell phones are turned into me before bed.  I consistently read text messages and I”m on the look out for anything suspicious.

If you are checking your teen’s text messages and aren’t up to date on the texting lingo then you better get a clue.  Here’s a few common texting codes teens use.

There are more but these should get you started.

KPC = Keeping parents clueless

IGHT = I got high tonight

GNOC = Get naked on camera

LMFR = Let’s meet for real

MOS = Mom over shoulder

MPFB = My personal F**k buddy

P911 = Parent alert

1174 = Nude club

DUM = Do you masturbate

Banana = Penis

K4Y = Kiss for you

NIFOC = Nude in front of computer

PIR = Parent in room

RUH = Are you horny

RU/18 = Are you over 18

143 = I love you

8 = oral sex

You can find a complete list of texting anacronyms at Net Lingo

Popularity: 21% [?]

Way back when Moses was parting the Red Sea I was potty training my oldest child.  After using M&M candies to bribe her and washing out I-don’t-know- how-many pairs of poopy panties I had a lightbulb moment.   I figured out how to potty train my daughter with an alarm clock.  It worked like a charm and it became the tried and true method of potty training with my other children.  Here’s how it works.

This method starts the moment you wake up.  Set an alarm clock for the normal time you get up and get up when it goes off.  No hitting the snooze button for a few days.  Set up another alarm clock in your child’s room if they don’t sleep with you.  After you’ve gotten out of bed go immediately to your child’s room and wake them up.  If you’re lucky the alarm clock will have already done that.

Point out the ringing alarm clock to your child.  Make a big deal about how exciting it is.  Make it a GOOD thing.  Then take your child to the potty right away.  Chances are you’ll get the first morning pee sucessfully in the toilet.  If it doesn’t happen don’t linger around the bathroom.

As soon as the first morning potty session is done go get your alarm clock and put it in the living room or somewhere nearby where both you and your child can hear it.  Set it to go off in one hour.

When the alarm goes off in one hour, get excited about it once again and get your toddler to the potty.

Repeat this throughout the day.  Yes you’ll run back and forth to the bathroom but there’s very little chance you’ll miss a potty opportunity.

For day 2 and 3  repeat the steps but this time extend the time between alarms to 2 hours.

On day 4 set the alarm clock for 4 hour intervals.  This may seem like it takes a long time but I promise you it is easier than it seems.  With this method there are very few times you’ll have to wash out training pants and in 5 days your child will be almost completely potty trained.

If you are super busy, having company coming, going to a barbecue, attending a party etc, get yourself  a watch with an alarm or set an alarm on your cell phone to keep the consistency going.  In no time flat your child will recognize the sound of the alarm clock as time to go potty and it’s all uphill from there!

Popularity: 7% [?]

Yeah I know high school has changed since I was a teenager some zillion years ago (according to my son, harumph!) BUT…

I don’t remember the kids at school wearing so little.  Okay, I don’t remember the girls wearing so little I should say.

A couple of weeks ago I escorted my youngest ankle biter to her high school roundup to get her class schedule, books and locker.  I thought I was hip.   My kid’s friends tell me I’m the cool, young mom.  Now however,  I’m afraid to admit I might not be as cool as they think I am; not after seeing the current generation of teenage girls anyway.

While we were standing in one line of eternity after another I noticed that most of the girls were wearing teeny tiny mini skirts with their butts hanging out or booty shorts.  Boobs were falling out of spaghetti strap tank tops and there were bare belly buttons everywhere.  It is no wonder there are so many boys flunking high school now days – they can’t concentrate because they are walking around with boners all day long.  This high school reminded me of a p0rn convention.

As if all this bare skin wasn’t enough, I happened to be in line in the attendance office when some teenage dude walked in and was instantly confronted by administration.  The conversation went something like this:

Administration: “You need to step into the administrator’s office and take a seat sir.”

Teenage boy:  ”Why?”

Administration: “Your shirt is inappropriate.”

Teenage Boy:  ”Can I just take it off?”

Administration: “Sure.  You can take it off, give it to me and pick it up after school.”

Teenage Boy: “Give it to you?  Why do I haf ta give it to you?”

Administration: “Because I don’t want you putting it back on.  You can either give me your shirt or take a seat in the administrator’s office.”

While this sounds like good old fashioned discipline it was in fact a double standard.  The shirt the kid had on was nothing more than a huge shirt with some wierd pictures on it.  Nothing offensive.

I’ve noticed a trend where boys are getting pulled into the office for inappropriate shirts but it’s perfectly fine for the girls to run around half nekkid.

I fear high school has become nothing other than a slut factory.  ’Tis a cryin’ shame!

Popularity: 27% [?]

I came across an article recently about alternatives to spanking at the positive parenting website and as soon as I read the title I was flooded with memories of spankings received

When I was growing up my parents believed in whoopin’s.  I never even knew it was called spanking until I was in my teens.  I remember back when I was about 10 or so getting my butt whooped while on vacation back east.

My mother had the knack for tearing up my backside, as she called it.  She could find the skinniest, flimsiest tree branch and strip the bark and leaves in mere seconds.  I learned from her that there is technique in corporal punishment; it’s all in the wrist.  You gotta have a quick, sharp crack of the wrist.

Jeez that woman could make me dance.  It literally felt like she set fire to my legs.   She’d have hold of me by the hand and I would run around her in a circle, screaming my head off.  Crack!  Pop! Sting!  Impact!  Round and round we’d go.

As an adult I look back at those times and laugh, yes laugh. It wasn’t funny as a kid but I can see the humor in it now.  For a few different reasons.

1. She always asked me, “do you wanna whoopin’?”  Yes of course that’s it!  My day just isn’t right without sometime leaving welts on my thighs.  I’m such a masochist.

2.  Mid whoopin’ she’d yell, “if you’ll hold still it will be better.”  For who?  I certainly didn’t see the benefits of standing still while a switch stung my butt.

3.  My mother was felled by the most famous spanking related phrase ever uttered, “this hurts me more than it does you.”  Really?  How about we switch places then and I’ll take your hurt and you can have mine.

I received more spankings in my childhood than I can remember which surprisingly affected my decision whether or not to spank my own children.  On one hand I can honestly say those spankings did not affect who I am. But on the other hand as a parent I feel it is a technique futile at best and demented at worst.

There have been reserved moments, far and few between, that one of my  four children have actually needed a spanking.  So I would say that there are times when it is both effective and necessary.  Such as when my son egged my neighbor’s house at 7 in the morning, in broad daylight….

What are your thoughts?  Are you a spanker or a time out delegator?

Popularity: 4% [?]

A constipated baby is no fun to travel with. I know.  I did it.  My son was 1 month old when I decided to fly back east at which time his bowels got so locked up he screamed constantly.   I was a mother twice over so I had some tricks up my sleeve.

Sitting around my aunt’s house I tried everything I knew to help my little guy.  I massaged his tummy, scrunched his legs up against his chest so maybe he’d pass some gas and gave him warm apple juice mixed with formula.  None of this had any effect on his constipation.

Out of desperation I switched to giving him bottled water rather than tap water and immediately noticed a difference.   But he wasn’t cured completely.

It wasn’t until my last day of vacation that I gave him a suppository which didn’t take long to kick in.  During his first diaper change he let go with such fury that poop skipped across the bed I had him laid on and hit, splat, on his sister’s shoulder who was standing at my side.  I still laugh about it.   She was horrified.

The next time you are planning on traveling with a baby remember to keep bottled water on hand because a switch in water can cause your bundle of joy to get really freaking cranky!

Popularity: 4% [?]