How to Get Your Kids Off Your Couch and Out The Door

I have the easiest way to get your kids off your couch and out the door.  This works on teens and older.  You could use it on younger ones but you’d have to be less explicit and arrange caouch2for their care first.  With older kids you can say whatever it takes to get the job done.

One afternoon I found out that our youngest adult child was getting ready to go out with her older sister for the day and didn’t plan on returning until the next day so my husband and I decided we wanted to spend it relaxing and hanging out, watching movies, snacking, catching a buzz…naked.  We do that, we like to run around the house naked when its just us.

We went about our day while we waited for her to leave and it seemed like it was taking forever.  Finally my other daughter arrived to pick her up and we thought they’d take off pretty quick but as it turns out us old people, the parents, must be fun to be around because we couldn’t get rid of either of the girls.  They turned on the tv, got a snack, played with their hair in the mirror for an hour and just kept lagging behind.  Finally tired of waiting for them to get the hell out of my house I turned to my beautiful daughters and we had a conversation that went something like this:

Me:  Are you 2 still here?  What’s taking so long?

Them: Nuthing.  Just hanging out.

Me: Get out.

Them: Mom!!  (lots of sighs and eyeball rolling began)

Me: I’m serious.  Get out.  I love you but I have plans so I’m kicking you out.

Them: Alright, alright.  Geez mom.  (Now they started shoving crap in drawers.  A mess I will have to clean later)

Me: Dad and I have plans. We wanna run around naked.

Them: ewwww.  Mom!!  (they are now urgently throwing shit in drawers and grabbing purses and car keys)  That’s really gross mom.  We don’t wanna know what you 2 are doing when we aren’t here.

Me: We’re married.  We’re allowed to be nekkid.  Now get before I start stripping and you know I will.

Them: (Heinous laughter and cackling is coming from them as they zip down the hallway) We know you will!  (they ran out the door in a puff of perfume) We don’t wanna see your butt.  We’re leaving!

I have to tell you this trick really does work.  I’ve used it many many times.  If they act like they don’t believe you then just start stripping and I guarantee you they will make plans to get off your couch and out the door super quick!

It works every time.

 

Adults that Won’t Grow Up – Living Young, Wild and Free

So what we get drunk?
So what we smoke weed?
We’re just having fun
We don’t care who sees.
So what we go out?
That’s how its supposed to be,
Living young and wild and free.

I am the mother of a 20-something adult that refuses to grow up.  She stays out all night drinking to excess and bums from her grandparents and friends so that she doesn’t have to get a job.  We’ve all met people like this and we all hope we don’t have a child go this route.  Unfortunately, one of my children did take this route and it has made me do some inward thinking.

I was driving home from work one night, singing along to Snoop Dog when the lyrics really hit home. I have to admit there have been times when I shrugged off my daughter’s behavior because I too think that its how life is supposed to be.  How many times have I warned my kids “enjoy your youth because when you get out in the real world… blah, blah, blah.”  But most of the time I keep expecting my daughter to get it together, to get a job and stop being a bum and have some responsibility.   I believe I have been a bit hypocritical but as a parent I can’t help myself.  It’s my job to instill the right things in my kids. It’s my job to usher my kids into the real world in a respectable way.

There’s an interesting article on the Fox Business website by Christina Scotti, “20-Somethings: No I Won’t Grow Up,” that made me laugh.  Mrs. Scotti interviewed Jeffrey Arnett, a psychology professor at Clark University, in 2010 regarding the matter and the advice that Arnett gave and the insight he had, clearly indicated that if he does have kids, they most likely are very young.   He has the unrealistic viewpoint of that of a young man who contemplates having kids but hasn’t actually started a family because of what he sees when he watches a mother deal with her kid in the throes of bratdom.   He sounds like one of those guys that says, “If that were my kid, I’d….(insert – idiotic discipline measure that won’t work – here).”

Jeffrey Arnette says that kids that won’t grow up are – get this – emerging adults.  That all they really want is to achieve higher expectations, to have a better job, more money, nice things – he even mentions vacations.  My daughter lives on permanent vacation and she won’t even apply to work at Wal-Mart much less something considerably more substantial.  Being in your 20’s is not an excuse to have an extended teenage rebellion as Mr. Arnette implies.   What makes me positive that he does not actually have kids is that when asked if parents should plan for adult children to move back home he says no.  No parent in their right mind would clothe, feed, pay for gas, insurance and spending money on a full grown adult without financial planning.  Kids are costly, adults even moreso.

I do think being in your 20’s in about sowing your oats, figuring out life and yes, living wild, young and free but I also think that as a society we have forgotten that in order to be wild, young and free you have to work hard, be smart and responsible.  My generation didn’t have a song that said all we wanted to do was get drunk and smoke weed.  My generation was Working for The Weekend and I truly believe that that is the difference between the 20-somethings of my day and the 20-somethings of today.

Today’s 20-somethings are raised with the idea that it’s all about the party and the party is all the time;  forget about working all week long so that you can tear it up on the weekend. Today, it’s all about feeling special and being encouraged to do anything without ever hearing the word no or learning that the reward comes after the work.  We’ve collectively made the mistake of raising our children with exaggerated self-worth because we didn’t want them to endure the same things we endured as kids.  Mothers – Fathers, we’ve been wrong.  Yes, we should tell our kids how great they are, yes we should celebrate their achievements and yes we should stoke their self-confidence but we should also give them the truth.

If a kids sounds like a walrus when they sing, don’t tell them they sound like Celine Dion.  If a kid is so klutzy he needs a helmet to walk around the living room then don’t encourage him to be the world’s best ballet dancer.   It’s time to teach our kids to live in reality and to work hard and strive for the stars but to also know thy strengths and shore up thy weaknesses. We don’t even allow heckling on the little league baseball field anymore because we are certain our kids can’t take the hit to their ego.  We need to teach our kids to love themselves for who they truly are and to revel in that which makes them who they are, and stop trying to be who and what everyone else wants them to be or who they fantasize they would like to be.  As a society we love to preach about uniqueness and expression of self but I find that a lot of the time that is merely lip service – we don’t really believe in it because we are too uncomfortable with who we really are, so we pretend to be something other than that until we have everyone, including ourselves, convinced of it.

I’m not in my 20’s anymore but I’ve put in the work and when the last of my kids have left the nest (1 more to go) I will finally get to live wild and free…and I’ve earned it.  That’s what I’m trying to teach my kids is the right thing to do.

Blog Carnival Roundup

Welcome to the October 1, 2009 edition of suburban wife life blog carnival roundup.  I was focused on getting together a Halloween blog carnival of links but that didn’t necessarily happen.  So even though there are only a few Halloween links, I thought the posts were so good I’d include them anyway.  Enjoy the roundup.

Silicon Valley Blogger presents Fun, Cheap Halloween Costumes To DIY, A Photo Gallery posted at The Digerati Life.

TSW presents Ways To Save on Seasonal Purchases: Time To Shop For Halloween! posted at The Smarter Wallet.

Madeleine Begun Kane presents Is It July 4th, Columbus Day, Or Halloween? I’m Confused! posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog.

Foodies

These may not be Halloween posts but they are good enough to make me hungry.  Check out today’s menu of recipes!

axel presents The Healthy Salad posted at axel g.

Thailand Breeze presents Noodles In Thailand (Part 1) posted at Tip.

Britnee presents GREAT SEMI-HOMEMADE DONUTS posted at Britnee Timberlake’s Institute of Home Cooking Blog.  I can’t wait to make these.  Thanks for the wonderful recipe Britnee.

Britnee presents Moist Meat Balls!!!!! posted at Britnee Timberlake’s Institute of Home Cooking Blog.

Mom Stuff

Jessica Stern presents American Zombie Fashion Show, an Educational Event posted at Desperado Penguin, saying, “I’m a suburban working mom. I’m currently blogging about my reading challenge to read 50 books by 50 authors in one year.”  Not only did I find her post entertaining but I’m beyond interested in her book challenge.

Lisa Taylor presents 50 Best Productivity Blogs for Students posted at Online Degree.

Autumn Beck presents Do you have your Woollybottoms Footies yet? posted at All About Cloth Diapers, saying, “You don’t?! How could you not?! Surely the leaves are starting to fall where you are.  Temperatures below 100 degrees around here means wool season is fast approaching.”

Miscellaneous

S. Krishna presents S. Krishna’s Books: Mrs. Perfect – Jane Porter posted at S. Krishna’s Books.

Sonja Stewart presents Sew Easy to Save posted at Parenting Squad.

Anne Simone presents Top 100 Health Experts on Twitter posted at LPN to RN Blog.

Rose King presents 100 Great Social Sites to Boost Your Career and Brand posted at JobProfiles.org – Job Descriptions and Online Schools to Start Your Career, saying, “However gifted, intelligent, hard-working, or creative you may be, success is seldom found without someone else’s help. Fortunately, the art of networking can be learned, so get started today by perusing these great sites.”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of
suburban wife life blog carnival roundup
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Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Kids DIY Education Placemats

Placemats are a great way to continue educating your child.  They inspire conversation and prompt learning in a way that doesn’t seem like work.  All you need to make your own educational placemats is white construction paper, clear contact paper, an internect connection and a printer.

First, print off  your design.  You can find them all over the internet.  Here are a few places to get some.

Spongebob Printable

Printable and Colorable United States Map

Stouffer’s Placemat Maker

Nick Jr. Wubbzy & Friends Printable

Emily’s Everyday Manners Placemat Printable

Dinosaur Placemat Printable

Solar System Printables

Tallest Waterfalls in the World with Map and Facts Printable

Google Docs has a template gallery for students and teachers, plus you can create your own presentation design to print out and turn into placemats.

Once you’ve found a printable you like, open it up in photoshop or some other graphic editing software and resize the image to fit your paper.

Print out your image, keeping in mind to print it in landscape mode.  Don’t forget to print the backside if you are looking for a double sided placemat.

Use clear contact paper to coat both sides.  Leave about half an inch or so of clear contact paper around the edges to help the placemat stay together.  Trim off excess contact paper and you’re done.

Here’s a couple of placemats my kids liked when they were little.  (I did not make these.  My mother in law found them at a yard sale years ago.)