How to Get Your Kids Off Your Couch and Out The Door

I have the easiest way to get your kids off your couch and out the door.  This works on teens and older.  You could use it on younger ones but you’d have to be less explicit and arrange caouch2for their care first.  With older kids you can say whatever it takes to get the job done.

One afternoon I found out that our youngest adult child was getting ready to go out with her older sister for the day and didn’t plan on returning until the next day so my husband and I decided we wanted to spend it relaxing and hanging out, watching movies, snacking, catching a buzz…naked.  We do that, we like to run around the house naked when its just us.

We went about our day while we waited for her to leave and it seemed like it was taking forever.  Finally my other daughter arrived to pick her up and we thought they’d take off pretty quick but as it turns out us old people, the parents, must be fun to be around because we couldn’t get rid of either of the girls.  They turned on the tv, got a snack, played with their hair in the mirror for an hour and just kept lagging behind.  Finally tired of waiting for them to get the hell out of my house I turned to my beautiful daughters and we had a conversation that went something like this:

Me:  Are you 2 still here?  What’s taking so long?

Them: Nuthing.  Just hanging out.

Me: Get out.

Them: Mom!!  (lots of sighs and eyeball rolling began)

Me: I’m serious.  Get out.  I love you but I have plans so I’m kicking you out.

Them: Alright, alright.  Geez mom.  (Now they started shoving crap in drawers.  A mess I will have to clean later)

Me: Dad and I have plans. We wanna run around naked.

Them: ewwww.  Mom!!  (they are now urgently throwing shit in drawers and grabbing purses and car keys)  That’s really gross mom.  We don’t wanna know what you 2 are doing when we aren’t here.

Me: We’re married.  We’re allowed to be nekkid.  Now get before I start stripping and you know I will.

Them: (Heinous laughter and cackling is coming from them as they zip down the hallway) We know you will!  (they ran out the door in a puff of perfume) We don’t wanna see your butt.  We’re leaving!

I have to tell you this trick really does work.  I’ve used it many many times.  If they act like they don’t believe you then just start stripping and I guarantee you they will make plans to get off your couch and out the door super quick!

It works every time.


The Boomerang Daughter

boomerangIts not uncommon in this day and age to hear about a twenty-something moving back in with their parents because they can’t afford to pay for rent and utilities on their own.   Businesses are working these young adults in short 3 hour shifts and only giving them a few measly hours each week; not enough to sustain themselves.  As an empty nesting mom on the cusp of rediscovering life without kids the last thing I want is for one of my kids to struggle so hard they have no other choice but to boomerang back through my front door.

One of my daughters has been having this exact struggle for a few months now and I have anticipated that she very well may darken my door with bags in hand.  Of course I would never turn my own flesh and blood away; I’m always happy to see them and hug them and send them home…to their own home where they throw their towels on the floor, grow mold in cups of forgotten fluid on the coffee table and leave pizza crust on the couch.

My husband and I have discussed at length what this will mean for us and our plans for new adventures and we have decided on a clear set of things we will and will not allow to take place in our home while we are there or while we are away.    We realize that it shouldn’t stop our plans to enjoy life and it while it doesn’t bring things to a screeching halt, it does delay things some.

I wonder sometimes about other parents and how they handle the issues that come with having grown kids.  We have friends who’s adult children live at home with them and we often talk about the difference between a home with a full family of grown adults vs our empty nest.

How’s things been for you since your kids grew up and became young adults?

Life after kids, an empty nester’s celebration

I hear so many parents whine and complain about their kids not wanting to spend time with them.  Then they fret and worry and sometimes get angry when their kid (naturally) pushes harder to get away from them.  One particular mom comes to mind as I write this – well, actually 2 moms come to mind as I write this.  One dreading the day her daughter moves out and the other sad because her daughters are gone and she misses them so much.

While I certainly understand missing my kids, I don’t understand these women’s plight.  I love my kids, all of them, rotten as they may be, I love them and from time to time I miss them and reminisce about their childhoods but otherwise I am looking forward to renewed independence!  There are things I have been waiting and wanting to do but couldn’t because I had made the choice to be a mother and that was my priority.  But now, I’ve raised my family, I’ve paid my dues and done my duty so to speak.  My kids are moving out and starting their own lives.  It’s the natural cycle of life.  Not so long ago I too was looking for my place in the world and pushed away from my parents.   This is what is supposed to happen.  We raise them (hopefully) well enough that they have the tools necessary to become adults.   Adulthood is the goal line that we always say we can’t wait to cross and when it happens many parents are startled by it.

I remember a time when I looked at parents who had already raised their families with envy because I was still in the “hire a sitter” phase or the “need to be home to be sure they do their homework” phase or some other phase that required me to be a full time parent that stayed at home with my family while I saw those parents enjoying vacations and nights out without having to check with anyone but each other, no sitter to hire or school schedule to worry about.  Their kids were grown and they could enjoy their lives however they saw fit.    Don’t get me wrong, I loved spending time with my kids but every parent I’ve ever met gets tired once in a while from the day ins and outs of parenting and wishes they could just get up and go and do what they want.  Now I understand that there is actually a time for that and I have reached that time so I am celebrating an empty nest not moping over it.

I will enjoy the visits I get with my grown, adult children when I get them but otherwise I plan to enjoy my life.  There are things I want to do, places I want to go, things I want to make and see and experience and now is my time.  And that’s why I’ve decided to change the focus of this blog.  I no longer feel the desire to write a blog from the mommy angle.  I’ve been there, done that.  I’m embarking on new adventures and I want to write a blog from that perspective.  From the perspective of a woman that is in the 2nd phase of her life with a bucket list as long as her arm.  As I do, I will write.  As I experience I will post and as I live I will document.

If you’re in the same boat as me and are looking forward to that 2nd phase where independence and freedom from diapers and homework and weekend curfews then join in and welcome!  If you’re not at this phase yet and you are deep in the thick of diapers, homework and weekend curfews then live vicariously through me and take comfort in the fact that someday your rugrats will grow up too and then you will have a whole lot of life to live.  In the meantime I’ll share my experiences and you can see how I maneuver through all this and while I’m doing it I’d appreciate hello from you when you stop to read.